In September 2021, some Facebook friend sent me a link with the caption: “Some heat for you. Them de roast Halima. You go laugh tire.” The caption did make me laugh, and I agree to clicking on the link and swiping my way into some emotional spark. But that text did much more than pull a cackle from my throat; it made me think. Why exactly was someone equating drama to sweetness?
I pushed the thought aside, until a few weeks ago, a picture popped on my screen as I scrolled through Facebook: a frog head attached to a woman’s body. It read: I am here for the vawulence. Another picture bearing a similar look read: I am cooking vawulence stew. It would be a drama-filled few days on Nigerian Facebook Community.
Some lady was being trolled. They said, leveraging on friendship with an ‘elite’ class of Facebook influencers residing in different parts of Nigeria, she had stolen a bulk of money from her unsuspecting investors.
The mob in search of vawulence didn’t just go after her. They went after her friends too, and after everyone whom she had shown some monetary or material favour. Accounts would have to be disabled, and apologizes would have to be made. Many of the apologies were thrown to the wind, as the rampage went on, until like a tired flame, the drama died out.
It dawned on me that week: the link between drama, attention-seeking, validation trouble, envy, and the need to belong.
Social media, it is clear, is structured to make people feel good about being seen. Most social media apps (Facebook is the culprit here) offer a system of likes and comments, which can to some degree impact the reward system of our bodies.
According to psychologist, Professor Emma Kenny, with every social media like, every validating comment, there is likely going to be some dopamine release, something similar to what happens when we are praised or showered love.
Perhaps, this is why we often, and erroneously so, equate being liked on social media to being liked in real life. Why when we see someone who gathers more likes than we do, there is the tendency to get a bit jealous, to want what that person has.
For some, this tendency is slight. But for others however, especially the young, it is a bit overwhelming and can present itself in behavioural changes, lies, and self-deceit.
In a bid to become as liked as the influencer they admire, gullible young people often don’t mind making tweaks to their lifestyle, and sometimes bodies. They will take on a new behavior, and when confronted, will blow things out of proportion.
On a cold afternoon in June 2020, I witnessed this first-hand. A few minutes after I noticed a friend had deleted my comment on her profile picture, my phone beeped. Sitting in my DM, were two paragraphs of displeasure with what I had said.
It is just social media, she raged, and I had no right to take her caption literally. Besides, the environment looked a lot like Dubai. An hour after, she blocked me.
This might be an extreme example, but similar things happen all the time. To fully live a fake, made-up life, some social media users unfriend and block everyone who knows them enough to call the bluff.
The lady rumored to have scammed people of money, Wire-Wire, for example, has been accused of doing just that. They say she blocked all her friends and assumed an identity no one exactly knew, fashioning relationships with ‘top’ people.
These relationships perfected her ruse. Goes on to prove the impact of cliques on personal identity. A paper published by The Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, suggests that groups (I use cliques) considered legitimate are often admired, and are likely to rise in the social hierarchy. So, when a person squeezes themselves into a reputable group, there is a chance that they will be admired more, as was the case with Wire Wire.
Can we say it is a good thing for a person to derive a sense of being from belonging to a group? I don’t think so, and here’s why:
- Groups change.
- All members of a group may have to bear the brunt of what comes when an individual in that group messes up. We saw this happen with the Abuja Facebook Community. People were labelled thieves, gold diggers, etc.
Wire Wire may have been famous for blocking people who defied her, but I assure you, she has got nothing on a set of Nigerian creatives who often refer to themselves as content creators. I have never quite understood these people, but it seems the existence of the recent batch can also be attributed to a longing for group identity, seeing that they all belong together in the same Facebook groups, and seem to have the same friends as well as foes.
Five years ago, the Nigerian Facebook space was a courtroom of writers and readers. The writers sat on thrones, and the readers stood about, admiring. But things changed as literary magazines began to sprout. Most writers stopped putting their works out on Facebook, and content creators became seen. The first batch of these creators were my friends, and grew followers by posting memes and short videos. Often, they were satirical and pointed out societal flaws. I remember a particular meme from (I am trying to not mention names). It was posted during the EndSARs protest. I still have it saved on my phone. It makes me sad and relieved at the same time. God help Nigeria.
That batch died out, and the new batch that replaced them became something quite different. Many driven by a need to belong rather than a need to be, content creators became more and more powerful, famous for bullying and enforcing the cancel culture. Their lingo: vawulence, drags, ratio, am a writer (they don’t even know if they’re writers or not),etc. Once or twice, I have seen a couple of them brag about how many people they’ve been able to block.
On the surface, it seems laughable that one should brag about blocking strangers on the media. But it’s not. If anything, it is sickening, as it points towards a pathological longing for importance. To be seen as powerful, able to annihilate anyone who disagrees with their opinion. I doubt that strength works that way.
Influencer/content creator space on Nigerian Facebook, I have observed for the past seven months, may be a loud, unrefined space. But it is quite competitive. Perhaps the most competitive group on Facebook. Social media fame is fragile, Psychology Today says, and I agree. For one to remain at the top, he or she must be able to provide ‘content’ and must be able to put this content on groups that matter.
Content here is basically anything that can draw the attention of a fanbase. The toxicity lies in the word ‘anything’. For some, and I admire these greatly, only creative ideas qualify as ‘content’. But for others, just about anything qualifies. Vawulence. Bullying. Anything. They will lie, cancel, bully, and sometimes even go against each other just so the fanbase stays.
There have been stories of people who faked their kidnap just so a pity party of followers troops to their timelines and type eyahs. They’ve also been stories of flamboyant displays of borrowed wealth, of borrowing money just to have posts put up on groups that promise walks to stardom.
In all, the lengths at which people are going these days strongly indicates addiction to drama and the attention that comes with it. This hunger for the very vawulence stew that turns comment boxes into a room full of praise singers. You keep me to date on vawulence. Update me. Omoh, your timeline sweet mehn. And addiction is a psychological means of escape.
This raises the question: what are heavy social media users running from? Could it be validation problems? Likely so. The result of taking on an identity that really isn’t yours, so you spend too much energy running from yourself.
I believe that if one is patient enough to lean in for a closer look, one will be able to spot personality disorders in not only drama mongers, but in people who buy from them. Take off your mask, Comrade. Tell me why you like drama.
Peace was never an option, Vawlence is the way.
Cruise aside, your article is totally aligned with what is going on in the social world.
I very much admire the way you shed light on this subject. It makes a lot of sense. Keep it up please.
Many times broken homes, broken life, horrible school environment and a hunger to be seen. I hope we don’t destroy ourselves in our search for validation.